This week I would like to share a recent question and answer exchange from “Ask Ann.” Where anyone can post a reasonable question and I will answer.
This exchange represents a common heart ache that I hear from suffocating creatives from across the globe.
I once lived this myself. There is a way out.
We are meant to experience success and happiness. Not all of the time of course but a good bit of the time.
Don’t linger in your despair too long. Life is short. So if you’re not happy. Make a move. Today.
Hi Ann,
10 years ago I dropped out of art school because I was scared to go into roughly $150K of debt to pursue a career in art. I went the “practical” route and got a degree in Electrical Engineering and gave up art entirely. Now I work for a massive corporation as a Sales Engineer, selling our products to other businesses.
To get straight to the point, I’ve hated every job I’ve ever had, including the one I have now. I feel un-happy, un-fulfilled, depressed, and scared. Scared that I’ll live my whole life feeling this way…whether “my whole life” means if I die of old age or die today in an accident.
I hadn’t done any form of art in 10 years, until 2 weeks ago. I un-packed all my old brushes and bought some acrylic paints and a canvas. I did a painting for my wife of our wedding venue. I wanted to do something nice for her…and remember what it feels like to do art. I had so much fun…and it made me feel good…it made me feel happy. For the first time in YEARS. Afterwords I thought to myself, “maybe other people who got married at my venue would pay for something like this.” And just like that, a business plan started forming. For the first time in 10 years I feel like I might have a chance at being happy…doing what I love.
Now that you know the background, here’s my question. How did you get past feeling like you weren’t good enough? I love the painting I made for my wife because it means a lot to her…but the longer I stare at it, the more I convince myself that it’s not any good. I’ve convinced myself that my painting/drawing skills are not any good compared to 10 years ago. I’ve convinced myself that I’m not good enough for people to ever purchase my art. So even though I think I have a really good and unique idea for an art business, I’ve convinced myself that my art and my skills aren’t good enough to execute the idea. I think deep down I’m scared to put myself out there and let others judge my art. Did you ever feel this way? If so, how’d you get past it? Have you ever struggled with self-confidence when it comes to your artwork?
Thanks so much Ann. I’m really looking forward to hearing back. Your story and art is inspiring to me. I hope that some day in the future I can achieve the happiness you seem to have.
Brandon
Hello Brandon,
You asked, “How did you get past feeling like you weren’t good enough?” I think you meant my art was not good enough.
Two different and separate things but Artists often get them twisted 😉
I think I believed that my art was “good” when my mentors, Wayne Thiebaud and Gregory Kondos, Yan Nascimbene, said that it was much more that “good.”
Frankly, I really didn’t care about anyone else’s opinion besides these experts.
I only care what other people think of me and or my art to a certain degree.
I fully expect that not everyone will like me or my art or me. That is okay. That is as it should be.
What matters is that I like and respect myself.
I struggled with self-confidence around my work until I got over my perfectionist tendencies. Read “Art and Fear.”
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
If you are not happy you need to commit to changing that now. Right now. None of us know how long we have.
My sincere suggestion. Get pissed off.
That’s when things really started to change for me. Depression is anger turned inside. Flip it!
Kindly,
Ann
Ann,
Thanks so much for the response. Something happened the day you wrote me that I’d like to share:
The day you messaged me I was driving to a sales call and I got cut-off on the freeway by someone driving recklessly. It wasn’t too close, but close enough to be scary. It got me thinking…what if I just died? I would have just died…driving to a sales meeting…for a job I hate. For a life I hate. Then to top it off, I get to the sales call and they cancel on me on the spot. I got back in the car and thought…I would have died…driving to a sales meeting…for a job I hate…for a canceled meeting.
I got in my car and cried. I cried not because I was upset, but because I was so angry. I am so angry. Angry that if my life ended in that moment, it would have truly been for nothing. I was thinking, “It just isn’t fair life is meant to be lived this way.”
Then, as fate would have it, your response pops up on my phone.
I’ve always turned my anger inside so that I can continue to survive. Not anymore. It’s time to let my anger motivate me instead of incapacitate me. It’s time to change. It’s time to fight.
As for feeling like my art isn’t good enough:
I think the biggest thing I need to get over is that I expect my art to be just as good now, as it was 10 years ago when I was in art school painting/drawing every day. That’s simply not possible!
How long did your practice and hone your skills/style before quitting your job and pursuing a career in art full time? I have a wife and a baby on the way so I can’t exactly jump ship and go for it. Right now the timeline I’m telling myself is end of 2016. That gives me 1 year and 4 months to practice, prove out my idea, and start saving money to build a safety net. Do you think that’s a reasonable plan/time-frame? What was your plan when you took the leap…was it only to make 100K in a year? Or was there more to it?
Thank you so much Ann. This conversation has been one I’ve needed to have for a long time.
-Brandon
Dear Brandon,
Your near death incident was a gift. A wake up call.
It’s time to direct your rage. It’s not too late. You have your whole life a head of you to discover and live your purpose and to be an example for your child.
Keep in all perspective. You and I have many privileges and opportunities granted to us just by living in the U.S.
We have an internet connection so that you and I can type at each other and connect.
You have a job, even if you hate it, you have a wife, and a baby on the way.
Because you and I have these privileges, we have a responsibility to enjoy them, to make the most of them, to pursue happiness. “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”
So count your blessing(s) every night before you go to sleep.
And start digging your way out and moving towards your desires one step at a time.
Take an art class and start having fun with it. Don’t worry about it being “good enough” right now. Whatever that means.
It won’t matter if it is “good enough” or not if you don’t love making it.
You need to hone your skill then you have to learn about building a business.
There’s no quick answer that I can deliver within this little rectangle.
My recommendation is to apply enroll in The MAKING Art Making MONEY Semester.
It might seem like a shameless plug but I really wish that I had access to this specialized knowledge, resources, and community when I was in a similar spot and that is why I created it.
You can learn much more than making art and making money. You can also learn about yourself and your true creative purpose, which may or may not involve art.
But if making art makes you feel good. Do it for yourself first.
Kindly,
Ann
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