I always tell the artists that I coach to reach out and ask for help but don’t be obnoxious.
I was reminded of this advice recently when a few artists, you know who you are, said that they would be visiting San Francisco so they would just like to drop by my private studio and hang out.
“Really? That’s nice.” I thought. But would you ask an attorney if you could drop by his or her office, just to say “hi”, and by the way chat about a law suit that you’re involved in.
Yeah. I think not. Not without booking and paying for an appointment.
Now before anyone gets their knickers bunched. Know this. I LOVE to help and to answer questions when and where I can.
In fact, anyone can go to “Ask Ann,” at any time, and post, a specific question for free. I actually answer all of them.
My desire to help is what motivates me to address the concerns of Artists Who THRIVE, as I have every single week, for years, for FREE.
But like most consultants, if you want my precious and limited time, and my undivided attention, you’re going to have to pay for it and get it on my terms, by booking a Monday phone appointment. I’m not running a non-profit.
Why do I bring this up? Because it offers a teaching point.
There is nothing wrong with asking. Asking is free.
Ask for help. Be clear and direct and consider what you might be able to offer in return.
If someone declines, just be gracious and respectful of their boundaries. Just thank them for their consideration and move on.
It doesn’t reflect well on you if you tell your story of having no money or how disappointed you are.
Gripping is not going to change anything except make you look whiney and rude.
I’m a huge believer in the principle of Givers Gain and I am thankful to know that most people really do like to help, when and where they can.
And I appreciate all of the help that I have been offered over the years.
But we all have limits and we must respect that other people have their privacy, obligations, and priorities other than us. And no one owes us a damn thing.
Did you enjoy this article?
Right on Laurie! You got it.
A reply to Laurie: professionals often meet with other professionals to discuss their services, but in such cases both parties are interested in meeting, because both parties see potential benefit in that meeting. But from Ann’s post I gather the interest to meet and seeing a potential benefit from this meeting was only on the group’s side, not on Ann’s. So it is only natural she said ‘no’.
Thank you Bill!
Ann; I just stumbled across your column for the first time.
It always amazes me when people try to invite themselves to my studio to “hang out.” I always tell them, “Sorry, my studio isn’t open to the public.” Period.
I mean, come on… it’s hard enough to get everything done in the course of a normal day, without having to entertain strangers.in my private workspace.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ll spend hours with someone who asks for my help or advice, and have even gone to other artists’ studios at their request to critique their work, but my studio is my “inner sanctum” and I jealously guard my privacy.
You’re right… the most precious commodity you have is your time. Good for you.
Thank you Sophia!
The passive aggressive responses to you were predictable and ungenerous. Women often have deep ambivalence towards other women who are thriving financially . It a more subtle hostility than beauty and being slim.They would never have written that to you if you were a man.They would not dare. Bravo you for brushing them off.And yes I did check out websites of those respondees and the quality of their work. Maybe more of their time needs to be spent in the studio without the distraction of criticising those who are thriving.
Thank you Lynn!
Thank you for this posting Ann, great advice!
Yes, asking is free — and accepting perceived ‘rejection’ gracefully is key.
I also enjoyed the example you gave.
Indeed, no one would think of telling an attorney, accountant, dentist, or auto mechanic “I’ll just drop by your office when I’m in town” to connect and for some free advice or work. Not even if the professional were a close friend; people would have more respect than that for the value of the professional’s time and privacy. I wonder why it is that visual artists are not considered in same realm of professionalism as individuals in other fields. I’ve come to the realization that it’s ultimately our responsibility, as artists, to ‘own’ the respect we deserve for our time, abilities, and expertise.
So, thank you for your recent commentary, it was a good reminder to empower ourselves.
I met you a few years ago at a Berkeley Public Library workshop, have been on your email list since, and referred your website to many. To be honest — I am not yet what I’d consider a ‘Thriving’ artist monetarily, but it’s never too late! Best to you in your work and continued artistic and business success. Thank you for giving us the gift of your wisdom
Thank you Emily!
Time is actually more important than money.
You can make more money. You cannot make more time.
LOVE this post, Ann. We all interpret information based on our own experiences as the responses show. Kudos to you for providing parallels to help understand the point. For years I had an art studio in Ontario Canada and it always astounded me when people dropped by “just to say hi” (often staying for over an hour) when I was clearly working. It comes down to valuing one’s time, which I now do, and applaud you for understanding and conveying yours.
On Oct 19, 2013, at 8:34 PM, Susannah Kaye wrote:
Dear Ann,
I just have to say, once again…Bravo! You go girl! I am a retired Marriage and Family Therapist who worked for many years to learn (always still learning) and to teach clear boundaries. It is best done by example and demonstration. What a clear lesson you just delivered! Well done.
Sincerely,
Susannah
On Oct 20, 2013, at 11:35 AM, [email protected] wrote:
Hi Ann, you truly are one-of-a-kind. I’m still giggling at this email, it is so great. Wish I could say I was one of your students but just recently took the time to read your newsletter and watch one of your videos. Love your frankness and your immense knowledge. You go girl. Love your art as well.
Keep doing what you’re doing.
Mickey
Thank you Danny! I appreciate your positive and appreciative feedback as it counters the occasional snarky negativos who miss the point.
I was just beginning to eat lunch when your request came and when I finished a while ago I hopefully discovered from your instructions how to and was in the process of beginning when I read your new email.
Whatever good testimonials do for anyone I hope my aids you somehow and if people respond positively to what I offered I hope that will continue to validate your efforts and goodwill.
Sitting in my backyard by my pool enjoying unusually good weather on a bright clear day.
Danny
On Oct 19, 2013, at 9:39 AM, Danny Kamin wrote:
No one should take issue with this Ann. You’re a rarity yourself. Far more a giver than a taker. You share a lot of information and give direction without seemingly, at least, overtly baiting artists into spending money with you for consultations. There are and have been over all time, in all societies, far more “takers” than “givers”. You should have peace of mind that your position is one without a flaw in the position you write about. As a trial lawyer, over the years, I have had too many people take from me, say “oh thank you Mr. Kamin for having my son” ,or this or that ,and then not pay me. I learned that I had to feed myself first. Took me years. No more. I have no problem anymore saying adios to those, and screen more carefully. I like your approach in this article and don’t think you have to explain your position any further to any “potential” client.
Helen,
Maybe I didn’t make myself clear enough for you.
I did tell these suspects that I charge for my consultations, as consultants do.
And yet they kept pressing their case for free time and an uninvited visit.
One word. Obnoxious.
So the “long, windy unbecoming speech” as you call it, is once again, a teaching point that I’m offering to you and others.
No charge
Hi Ann. Congratulations for all your hard work and that you have made a successful career from your art. Although I am on your email list and receive your newsletter, most times do not read it. In response to this post, I have to say, and with no disrespect here, that all you need to say is, I’m sorry, I can’t do that for free, there is a fee associated with my work. This long, windy speech is not becoming, although your point is well-taken. Human nature is to not want to pay for most things, art advice included. I have worked for an attorney for 18 years. People approach him all the time in the coffee shop looking for “free” advice. What Andrew does is this: He gives them just enough information to be helpful, but leaves off the critical part. They either can figure it out themselves, or they will need to come back and pay for advice. Given that, they do come back and end up buying some time from him and also feel he has given something and not just taken something. He gives everyone 15 minutes free time. Through this approach, he has ended up with some very good and long lasting clients. You may not have 15 minutes available to give. Just some food for thought. It probably took you longer to compose this letter which cost you valuable time and the people who are guilty don’t even know you are referring to them.
I’m sooo glad you asked, because you demonstrate the all too common presumptive attitude so perfectly.
“Is there ever an appropriate time for an artist to discuss art with fellow artists without money involved?” Absolutely! I do it all the time, with my peers.
“Maybe you don’t have the time to be kind.” Wow! Really? Hmm. Have you dedicated several years, unpaid for many, to sharing the secrets of your business success with other artists just because you want to help? I know I have.
First of all, the big difference between me and most artists, in case you have forgotten, is that I have another business as a business and marketing consultant for artists.
Therefore, I charge for my time.
You are also assuming that I have unlimited time and resources to give away to people who I have never met.
Would you invite a perfect stranger into your home, just because they want to hang out?
I hope not. And that’s the point of this post.
I’m using my example as inspiration for artists to maintain professional boundaries.
Why? Because this is an issue that many artists struggle with.
Again. There’s nothing wrong with politely asking for something you would like.
But I would no more ask a consultant for free time than I would ask an artist, who I may admire but who I don’t know, if I could hang out in there studio and borrow some paint and canvas.
So yes. These instances where not only unprofessional, they were down right selfish and rude. At that is the whole story
Ann, perhaps you did not share the whole story. Perhaps the people who called you were whiney and rude or you could tell they were begging for free advice. Maybe you don’t have the time to be kind. And I’m not saying you had to invite them to your studio to be kind, but were they were fellow artists who love your art and want to see how you work? Professionals often meet with people to discuss their services to decide whether they want to work together, especially if it comes with a big price tag, as your service obviously does. Is there ever an appropriate time for an artist to discuss art with fellow artists without money involved?